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My Self Doubts: Navigating the Artist's Journey


ink drawing of cats
Edward Luper, ink on paper, study of cat


The exhilaration of getting into the Royal Academy's Summer Exhibition was a high point for me. Yet, since then, it feels like I've been navigating a series of crises, mostly centered around my art and the relentless desire to improve. Having my painting displayed at the RA is an achievement I cherish, but its lack of a sale has led me to question my value as an artist. As such, I find it hard to work, but i've been doing lots of drawings and sketches in my sketchbook - an in-between activity - until I figure out what's next.



ink drawing of robins
Edward Luper, ink on paper, robins


The Uncertain Path of an Artist


The path of an artist often feels akin to that of a monk in search of enlightenment. It's a journey filled with introspection, relentless practice, and the constant quest for a deeper understanding and mastery of one's craft. However, like any journey worth undertaking, it comes with its own set of crossroads and moments of doubt.


The Quest for Improvement


Every artist yearns for growth. The desire to evolve and improve is intrinsic to the creative process. This yearning pushes us to explore new techniques, refine our skills, and occasionally, reconsider our artistic direction. But what happens when we find ourselves at a crossroads, questioning our style and the very essence of our work? This is how I feel, especially after my visit to Holland and seeing the old Dutch masters. Should I return to oil painting?


Crossroads and Questions of Style


It's at these crossroads that the questions become more profound. Do I need to change my style? Is this the moment to pivot, to embrace a new direction? Or should I deepen my commitment to my current path, trusting that persistence will yield the growth and recognition I seek? These questions are not just about technique or aesthetics; they touch on the core of my identity as an artist.


Moving Forward


What's next for me? This question looms large. While the lack of immediate commercial success can be disheartening, it's crucial to remember that art is not solely about sales or external validation. It's about expressing oneself, connecting with others, and contributing to the broader tapestry of human experience. At least, thats what I try to tell myself...


Embracing the Journey


Ultimately, the artist's journey is about embracing both the highs and the lows, the triumphs and the doubts. It's about continuing to create, even when the path ahead is unclear. Each brushstroke, each canvas, is a step forward. And sometimes, it's the very act of questioning and confronting these crises that leads to the most profound artistic growth.

As I reflect on my journey so far, I'm reminded that the path of an artist is never straightforward. It's a winding road filled with both challenges and revelations. And while I may be at a crossroads now, I trust that each step I take will lead me closer to the artist I aspire to become.



deity riding an elephant playing a musical instrument
Edward Luper, ink on paper


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